Well I am back from Greenbelt with a tan (oh me of little faith) and a sense of a spiritual shake up.
While I was at the festival, surrounded by incredibly creative and dedicated people, I started to feel that perhaps the offerings I had made of my own creativity to God had been rejected. After all, all these people were making careers and lives out of their creativity and I am not, not in an explicitly or sometimes even recognisably Christian context. As you can imagine, this was pretty upsetting.
Luckily for me I have a spiritual director who follows an Ignatian approach. Through discussion with them last night I was able to move forward in the following ways:-
- Perhaps I do have the wrong approach to my creativity in that I have offered it up partly for the wrong ends – ie my own self-agrandisement.
- There are movements that are of God and those that aren’t – confusion and upset arise from those that aren’t, peace and assurance from those that are.
- The best way to determine which kind of movement this is is to act against it, ie to continue blogging, continue enjoying writing and having hopes from it, continue my half-baked explorations about studying theology in order to perhaps develop my writings or perhaps move me in a new direction.
What this generally means is that I am going to continue writing this blog but I am going to go back to my outlook on it when I started – it doesn’t matter who reads it or how many people engage with it. God doesn’t measure his sucesses in worldly terms, he has his own ideas about what things are important and being able to write this blog, regardless is enjoyable and important to me.
I hope you find it enjoyable too.